I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
