Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
