so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
