i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm passing your future prison.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
