She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
