Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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