I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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