Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
