Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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