Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
