I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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