I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
