Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
