please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
