I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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