so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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