i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
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