Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
