my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize