I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
