So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
