Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Randomize
