i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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