Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
