Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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