were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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