so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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