Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
