I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
