Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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