OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
