I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
