Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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