You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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