As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
