you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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