when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
