jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
