Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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