sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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