She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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