i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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