let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
