I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
