You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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