im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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