i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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