i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
