This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
