I'm gonna have a badass scar
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
